The reason why I am in this predicament, was because I put myself in the situation the first place. I was infatuated with them and subconsciously I kept hoping for something from them. I think I am immatured in that aspect.
perhaps that's the answer I was looking for. Not why I have no sense of belonging but rather whether I have the mental maturity to handle people around me, especially in the aspect of romance. For wanting it too hard, I forgo logic.
I think its time to step back and relook at my life. To understand what I have lost logically rather than emotionally. I kept blaming the world for my problems, "If my boss treated me better, perhaps I would have been able to talk to j." " If d reciprocated in communications, I would have understood." "if j was more open perhaps I can be closer to her." The problem is, I expect too much from others emotionally. But I failed to understand that freewill means that I should not get anything in return. I focused too much on Eros than agape. So the fault lies with my immaturity rather than anything else.
As I walk on, I hope the turbulence in my emotions would die out. And should I feel in pain again, let this post be a message to my logical side.
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