“Stop dwelling on past events and brooding over times gone by;” Isa 43:18
God, with this line, I surrender to you my emotions. Whatever longings and desire that I once had, God, safeguard it till I need it once again. Let your will be done, but as of now, keep me in your word. God, I feel that I have no reason to torture myself anymore. If I had to be judged, I will only be answerable to you and to myself and not to the words of men.
For too long I have abandoned my inner peace through you via my selfish desires, for too long I have been brooding over past regrets that has no relevance to my future. God, I am tired. I am tired of the constant lows that I have to feel. My goal now is for me to live a life of happiness.
I once asked my friend, "Has life as a christian made your life any better? Has it made your life easier?"He told me, no life didn't become easier. But life became better. Because it was through the hard times in life, that he appreciates what God has done for him, that God has allowed him to grow. God, despite being a Christian for 20 over years of my life, I still feel like an infant. Being emotionally carried away with a quest to find a sense of belonging. Perhaps,through these years of my life, I have been looking at the wrong direction.
God, I surrender my emotions to you once again. Keep me objective, not subjective, keep me wholesome without the instant sugar high that the world is offering me.
Amen
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Self laddering technique.
A friend once asked me, "If I find myself lonely and single, will I lose my mind and become a psychopath?" I replied to her, "Absolutely not." Because I felt there is so much to life than to just feel lonely.
But, reality is so different. When that same friend put me aside, the feeling is awful. I felt abandoned.
Was I being used? The first question to enter my head.
Did I do something wrong? The second question to enter my head.
Can I rectify it? The third question to enter my head.
For the first 2, I can't affirm the answer. But for the final, the answer is clear. There is nothing I can do about it. This leads to another question.
How can I stop thinking about it?
The conclusion is, I can't. The only thing I can ask is, "What have I learnt from that friendship?"
I learned to be more sensitive to others. I learned to be more self confident when dealing with people. And for writing this, I learned to be more self forgiving. That being oversensitive, is not a flaw, but a gift given by God. For it increased my capacity to love others. I learned that I have to stop hurting myself if I want to be happy.
To that friend, she will not be my friend, but she will not be my enemy. I am not obliged to help her, but I have no reason to hate her either.
But, reality is so different. When that same friend put me aside, the feeling is awful. I felt abandoned.
Was I being used? The first question to enter my head.
Did I do something wrong? The second question to enter my head.
Can I rectify it? The third question to enter my head.
For the first 2, I can't affirm the answer. But for the final, the answer is clear. There is nothing I can do about it. This leads to another question.
How can I stop thinking about it?
The conclusion is, I can't. The only thing I can ask is, "What have I learnt from that friendship?"
I learned to be more sensitive to others. I learned to be more self confident when dealing with people. And for writing this, I learned to be more self forgiving. That being oversensitive, is not a flaw, but a gift given by God. For it increased my capacity to love others. I learned that I have to stop hurting myself if I want to be happy.
To that friend, she will not be my friend, but she will not be my enemy. I am not obliged to help her, but I have no reason to hate her either.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)