Regrets. I always lived with them, I have always felt the pangs of pain in my heart. Even now, I am feeling the pain of it. It's a word that always starts a sentence with if. But there are really not that many ifs in this world. The fact is the world still moves on no matter how much you look back at it. You will end up in the losing end ultimately. Still, it bothers me quite substantially. But its still a long road on.
With regrets, comes self pity. I have potentially lost 2 friends through my behaviour. Its only when reality strikes that you realise that you are trying to make the world revolve around you. But the fact is that, you are just moving linearly with time and everyone can see you as the abnormality.
I wish I can reconcile with these friends. But humans being human, it is unlikely you will get a second chance. Which brings me to the second point, don't try to force your presence into another person's life. Do it slowly. And if you find that you can't enter their lives, walk away, give them some space. Finally, stop blaming yourself. We all learn from our mistakes. Move on and do not let that emotion get the better of you.
My last point, in the event that you can't convince a friend, then move on from her. No point regarding a person as a friend who has no regards for you. Friendship is a win-win situation. Both parties are supposed to benefit from it. But if the friendship has degraded to the point where it is no longer transparent, and that you are treated transparently, then there is no point feeling hurt about it. Trust and communication is critical, without it, it is no longer a friendship. But of course don't dismiss every cold shoulder as an end game, there is always a reason for that cold shoulder. Most importantly, ask and see if you can resolve it. Don't let it drag on for too long.
I don't have a lot of friends, so those who I really cherish means a lot to me. But, sometimes, a hard decision might have to be made.
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