How a second will be etched in a memory.

Fate is funny. When you really want to see a person, the person will disappear from your sight. When you want to put the person behind you, suddenly the person just appears in every nook and corner around you. Just 3 inches, that's how far we were. Close enough to touch one another, but yet so far away that we had to ignore each other's existence. I can't bring myself to look at her in the eye, neither can she accept the eye contact. I had to distant myself from her, after all, that's what she wants. I destroyed every possible way to contact her, so that I will not have anymore sentiments for her. So that she will no longer need to experience the awkward environment, the disgust when she sees me, and so that I will not be disappointed every time I try to converse with her. I am trying to respect her wishes at the expense of how I feel but I can't run away from it.

Walking out of the tunnel

I ended the whole saga once and for all. I cut all links with J. I still have feelings and emotions, but I came to the conclusion that if I liked somebody, I have to learn to let go of the person, regardless of how much the person hates me. I feel lighter now, knowing that no matter what I do, wouldn't change a thing. The only part I never liked about this saga, was that we met as strangers and we parted as strangers. There was animosity involved, there was some bruised pride and there were deep regrets. These will ebb through the tides of time, but they will never vanish. It is perhaps, a reminder of what I should not do in the future. I have lost some, I have gained some. But whatever it was, I closed the book for myself. If you are not the reason for somebody to smile, then I guess it's time for you to make yourself scarce, for that person will never have a reason to give you her smile.